Me Today

Well, it’s been a while, again, since I last posted anything about myself. Over the next couple of weeks, I’m going to be moving back to the Central Coast. Living arrangements are a bit cheaper and I’ll be closer to those that I intend to work with. I’m going to start focusing on my business around web development. I still have one more sound/video installation for a church to do and then I’m on my own for a while.

My passions are web programming and live audio. Since I’ve done some of the second for the last couple years, I think it’s time to concentrate on the first. I’ve got some ideas for hosting sites but I think I mostly want to fit into a roll where I’m helping clients with upgrading/adding to their website. I love to provide personal service where I’m working one-on-one with clients so that I can feel out what they need and help them understand how to use the solution.

Me Today

On a more personal note, I was listening to Barlow Girl this morning and a couple songs hit me right in the face this morning. The first was On My Own. Here’s a few selected lines.

I can’t believe that I’m here in this place again
How did I manage to mess up one more time?
I always thought that I would be strong enough
Yeah, did I think that I was above it all
I have learned that pride comes before the fall

I can’t promise that I won’t fall
‘Cause here I’ve fallen
I know I’m not as strong as I thought
All I can do is cry to You

I have a hard time admitting to myself that I need others’ help, especially when I really need it. I’ve tried to tackle life in a very lonely manner for a long time, maybe most of my life. Talking to a friend recently, I realized that I have a hard time trusting friends to be friends. I’m naturally pretty open, even to an acquantice and I think I tend to hold my friends at that acquantice level. No matter how much I want to feel accepted in a circle of friends, I will seize hold of inconsequential things to prove to myself that I’m an outsider. Also, being a 27 year old, most of my friends have families and I use that as an excuse not to “invade” their lives. I don’t trust them to be friends and I don’t trust them to let me know what they need as well. No matter how close I am to someone, I still feel like an intruder in their life.

The second song that hit me dead between the eyes was Not Alone. I’m going to embed the video below, but here’s a link to the lyrics.

Well, that’s me today.


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2 Responses to Me Today

  1. Grandma says:

    Take heart, Grandson. There are better days ahead. Even as you are being introspective, you’ll find that things will start to look up as a result. Hope you had a good Thanksgiving.

  2. gypsy says:

    Thanks for your willingness to be real and share ‘you.’ Hugs…

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