Well, it’s been a while, again, since I last posted anything about myself. Over the next couple of weeks, I’m going to be moving back to the Central Coast. Living arrangements are a bit cheaper and I’ll be closer to those that I intend to work with. I’m going to start focusing on my business around web development. I still have one more sound/video installation for a church to do and then I’m on my own for a while.
My passions are web programming and live audio. Since I’ve done some of the second for the last couple years, I think it’s time to concentrate on the first. I’ve got some ideas for hosting sites but I think I mostly want to fit into a roll where I’m helping clients with upgrading/adding to their website. I love to provide personal service where I’m working one-on-one with clients so that I can feel out what they need and help them understand how to use the solution.
Me Today
On a more personal note, I was listening to Barlow Girl this morning and a couple songs hit me right in the face this morning. The first was On My Own. Here’s a few selected lines.
I can’t believe that I’m here in this place again
How did I manage to mess up one more time?
I always thought that I would be strong enough
Yeah, did I think that I was above it all
I have learned that pride comes before the fall
I can’t promise that I won’t fall
‘Cause here I’ve fallen
I know I’m not as strong as I thought
All I can do is cry to You
I have a hard time admitting to myself that I need others’ help, especially when I really need it. I’ve tried to tackle life in a very lonely manner for a long time, maybe most of my life. Talking to a friend recently, I realized that I have a hard time trusting friends to be friends. I’m naturally pretty open, even to an acquantice and I think I tend to hold my friends at that acquantice level. No matter how much I want to feel accepted in a circle of friends, I will seize hold of inconsequential things to prove to myself that I’m an outsider. Also, being a 27 year old, most of my friends have families and I use that as an excuse not to “invade” their lives. I don’t trust them to be friends and I don’t trust them to let me know what they need as well. No matter how close I am to someone, I still feel like an intruder in their life.
The second song that hit me dead between the eyes was Not Alone. I’m going to embed the video below, but here’s a link to the lyrics.
Well, that’s me today.
cheers!
Take heart, Grandson. There are better days ahead. Even as you are being introspective, you’ll find that things will start to look up as a result. Hope you had a good Thanksgiving.
Thanks for your willingness to be real and share ‘you.’ Hugs…